Let's Try This Again

Music: AFI, "The Celluloid Dream"

I don't know what that means. I can't really understand the words, but I have been meaning to look them up. It's a really good song though.

Athlete: Tim Brewster, TE, University of Illinois

New Gopher coach. I am very excited. Nothing is guaranteed, but I really like the hire so far. He's a recruiter. He's enthusiastic. He actually mentioned the words "Rose Bowl" in public. Here's to you Tim Brewster.

Never Enough Time in the Day

I get really good ideas. All the time. I think of all the things I want to do, all the things I love to do. Like blog, or just write. Or play guitar, learn a song or write a song. Or read books. Or write a book. Or become the next general manager of a baseball team. Or read my Bible. These are all very important things to me, all things that I want to do. They are meaningful activities, and they are fulfilling activites.

I used to play guitar all the time. I used to write lots of songs. I cringe when I think of most of my music now. It is very 19-year-oldish. It's incredibly cliched and simple. At some point, I stopped writing songs because I hated almost everything I wrote. It was just BAD, and it was the same songs I had been writing years before. In part is because I hadn't progressed much as a guitarist. But mostly it was, I think, because I knew I had pretty much reached the extent of my capabilities, which was not THAT far.

I started law school two and a half years ago. I pretty much stopped doing anything remotely ambitious or creative. Law schools sucks the creativity out of you, along with the life sometimes. I stopped playing guitar almost completely. It's been really hard to get back into it.

I've recently realized two things. The first is that slaving away for one-and-a-half years in law school wasn't worth it. I'm glad I worked hard, I guess, because it should make me a better lawyer. However, I'm not sure I really care all that much about being a great lawyer. I guess that's why I gave a half-hearted attempt at working for a big, prestigious law firm in downtown Minneapolis. I tell myself that it is because I prefer to have a life and a wife and less stress than money, and to extent that is totally true. But, without question, there is something else going on. I'd work really hard somewhere, but it would have to be something I was passionate about. The law is not that thing. In fact, if someone said to me that they were passionate about the law, I'm pretty sure I would laugh out loud. Well, because I'm a pretty polite guy, I would probably just smirk. But I digress.

The second thing I realized is that I actually do have time to do alot of the stuff I want to do. But, like an idiot, I waste a lot of time. I don't have a ton of free time, but neither do most working, mature almost-25-year-olds. I have to work out or I'll get really fat. I spend time with my wife. I cook supper sometimes. I do the dishes. That stuff takes up alot of time, but when I get time to myself, I spend alot of time sitting on my ass wasting time, thinking about doing one of the above-mentioned things. But not actually doing anything. I post stupid crap on message boards filled with complete idiots (which is like trying to reason with Koko the Gorilla pre-communication abilities). I watch stupid shows. I browse wikipedia. These are the times I should be writing or reading or playing. Something productive. Something creative.

Today is another attempt at an old trick. Hopefully I can mix it up in this space with alot of first person stuff and observations and feelings. Maybe a little third person stuff or some dialogue for the musical my brother and I are planning to write. If we have time.

The Law Student that Died

I'm going to try to be as respectful as possible with this one. A law student named Christopher Oster died last weekend. It got him a mass email that I suppose a few people read. I didn't know him at all. I don't know how he died. But he did. And he got a mass email. At least it had the title "Sad News," so we could make sure we were sad when we read it. Or were at least prepared to be saddened.

There are around 750 law students. That's not very big. The kid deserved more than an a mass email from the assistant dean of students. I've always felt like I was just a very small, wholly insignificant cog in the machine that is the University of Minnesota Law School. I've never felt that way more than yesterday when I received the email. If I died, around 17 total people would notice I was missing, and roughly three might genuinely care. I'm not sure if that is an indictment against me for my complete lack of involvement or against the law school for being a detached farm system for the big defense firms. Either way, it is a fact. I'm not connected to the law school at all. It's their loss. Lots of people outside the law school really like me. Whatever cog I am in the machine, it's not a very important one. If the law school is a car, then I guess I'm like the rear cupholder. The car will certainly run without it, but... Hell, I'm not a cupholder, but despite the above woe-is-me, I got over it long ago. "The law" will never define me, and I will arrogantly smirk at those who think it defines them.

My heart goes out to Chris Oster's family. May he rest in peace.